Was reading someone else’s blog about making bold moves. (I’ll link it in a moment.) Does anyone ever truly feel bold? I wonder. There are those, for example, who think I was bold to embark on a journey of Ace Hardware ownership with my husband…but I assured them that I was dragged kicking and screaming into that phase of my life. Bold? Hardly.
We’re approaching three years now. We’ve made incredible progress. At the same time, we’ve faced challenges and pure TERROR that we never expected. This “turning a profit” thing is harder than it looks. So I tend to become anxious, and I try to solve things on my own instead of leaving them in God’s hands, and I worry. Pure and simple. I worry! Our children know this about me. It isn’t something I’m proud of. I’ve made progress from time to time, but it’s just something I will probably always battle in life.
And in the midst of all that, I’m finding it hard to find time to write. This frightens me. This depresses me. This drags me into a mire of self-pity that is mucky and murky. I hate it. I get to write on occasion, but not nearly as much as I used to. I miss it! But here’s the question: Do I miss it enough to DO something about it? No, no, no…I’m not talking about abandoning my responsibilities at Ace, or at home for that matter. But isn’t there a way to carve out quality, productive time to write “in the margins” of my life? There must be. I just can’t imagine God brought me this far to simply leave me with deep longings to write, without the time or opportunity to do so.
And I guess a disclaimer is in order. It’s not that I never get to write. In fact, a co-write from last year was released by The Talleys this past May (“Broken World”). This is a big deal for me! I’m deeply grateful! … And yet, I guess I would be the classic example of the famous question, “Which song that you’ve written is your favorite?” And without question, I would agree with this answer, “The next one.” Why? Because there just never seems to be a song that fully reaches what seemed to be its potential when the idea first surfaced. Does that make sense? Everything falls short. And yet my heart longs for the chase. I suppose that’s due in part to a longing for things unseen. A longing for Heaven (where I plan to write my very best songs EVER!!)
Back to the subject of doing something bold. What does it mean for me to take my next “bold” step? I’m not sure. But a blog like this one (below) certainly makes me wonder. And brainstorm. And, yes, worry. But better yet, it causes me to pray.
If you’ve bothered to read this far, would you say a quick prayer for me? And THEN…..go forth and do something bold for God in YOUR life! We’re all in this together.
Joyn Mee Pleaz?